--honestly--

i just know my future will all fall into place the way the lord wants it.

i will keep my faith and let him just lead me in that direction. all i kan do is what i am supposed to do, i know that i am a veryy strong person. i have been through soo little, but yet soo much. && i always keep in mind that my situation is nothing compared to so many other people. with that said im just soooo thankful (x a milli) for the options and opportunities i have been blessed with. (: i see many of my friends that have to go and do that extra mile of things and they know they if they don't do it it won't get done. with that said i know i had many "desires" i`ll just say of where i want to be. right now i just feel like im on my own ( deff in my own lil world-lolz) island with my location. by the ways its been for my idk where i would be my happiest at. my happiness is always at the moment i`ve learned, && more than that it depends on who im with. if im very lonely (as i've been for the past couple months) i realized im just not happy. its not good for me to depend on others to create my happiness && i want to learn how i can make my own self happy with out depending on others. i kno i kno i kno that materialistic things do not replace my own happiness from the people in my life that aren't there physically. overall in general i still maintain to smile--maybe because of how i was brought up. i just smile because i feel like its right but dont think about the "show" that im really putting on to please others. so many think that just because u have this, go here, or do that you should be the happiest person in the world && i just know thats not true. i just want to find my happiness soon.

i would like to make sooo many changes. with the new school year coming up i want alll my grades to be on point. i dont want to struggle with math again and worry about where i'll be if i dont pass one class. i will not surround my self around people that aren't positive, dramatic-drama, stressing me,distracting me, or that i know arent helping me get where i need to be at the end of the day. others feelings are not something i will worry about either, if i want to say No or say what i have to im not gonna hold back for any one either. I tend to just go with the flow often or just be pleasing to the ear, but i think that's really fake-im not fake-won't be fake && don't like nor entertain fakes. as it stands i dont have friends [cept my own best friends the realest ones ill probably ever get] but many acquaintances, i do believe that many of those i thought where there for me aren't and they are haters. i neverrrr thought that they were haters or would have considered them as that, until someone else brought it to my attention. i know who my real friends are and im content with knowing that i have them. i plan to just stay to myself a lot and focus on my next move. it may be best for me to stay on the side where i am and find out the opportunities i can come across.

Relationships--ahh as much as i loved being in one i dont think i need to be in another one any time soon. i wasnt one to be in many but i did cherish my first/last one it was very special. i know that i wont have one like that again. i learned many lessons from that, and i will carry those on to my next one to be a better gf for ever katches my heart again. && i just dont agree with just fux`n any one just for the feeling of sex which only last for a moment, i think you should cherish your self for that special person. i deff wont consider anyone less than my equal. i`ve seen it go bad tooo many times and my standards are still HIGH. in the past it was always one person doing more than the other, now i think everyone should be giving their own 100% to make it last. if i could do it all over i know the ways i would change but as im still learning i just do what i think is right....

Now wrapping up this summer i have really enjoyed it. i think i had a very successful summer and got a lot done. ready to get this year out--kant wait to see how i will change, and all the new things i'll learn by this time next year! ;)

--Lo0vely..